train is to wine as mylie cyrus is to perfume

Oh Mylie….

In all fairness, Mylie has been a train wreck for less time than she’s had a fragrance. In fact, maybe getting a fragrance is what leads some of these poor girls (and guys) astray? Every quick-rise star under 30 seems to bang out a perfume or cologne a year now. Who is buying this stuff? And do they actually smell it first? It’s crap. All of it. And that is where my humiliating tale of bad wine begins….

You know that lovely, young thing at the liquor store on Friday nights? She’s got little wine samples in shot glasses and is excited to share them with you? Yeah. She nailed me.

Normally, I don’t try these wines. I never line up for free things. Not at Costco, not at the fair, nowhere. I don’t have time for that crap. I have no extra time. So I don’t buy in to the free if you hang out like a school of angry guppies thing that goes on at a sample station.

Last Friday she had no line up and beckoned me over. I was buying wine for our staff Christmas party and was in a hurry. So my guard was down. She had two wines to try, both red and very different. The first one was called ‘Drops of Jupiter’. That is where I lost my mind.

You see, I really, really like the band, Train. And their signature song goes by the same name. And they sing the song I walked down the aisle to at our August wedding. And it was bitterly cold, and my house was a mess and people were coming over…. and next thing you know I am dropping $17 for a bottle of wine that Train endorses but you can’t actually drink with food. Money goes to San Francisco something-or-other… it’s an ‘afternoon wine’ she says… Bang. I have another bottle of wine that takes over a week to get polished off because no one really cares for it.

Now, you all know me. I like my wines on the fruity side. But this stuff was on the fruity wagon. It was just too much. No depth, too much fruit but it was almost chemical in it’s presentation. Dare I say it twerked where it should have swayed?? Okay, It’s Monday morning at 7am. Sorry about that.

I guess all I am saying is that, in my experience, you never get what you were hoping for with these celebrity products. Damn, Train.

I hear Angelina and Brad’s wine sold out in minutes, by the case, at hundreds of dollars a bottle. I won’t be suckered into even one bottle of that! I hope!

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