navigating wine festival bores…

God, some people drive me crazy.

The Kamloops Art Gallery Wine Festival was as crowded as ever. And the room was set up a bit differently, again, but once again felt like the mouth of the Adams in October. Gak, people were rubbing me!

Anyways, as a public service I thought I would list a few things here in case any polite soul thinks to get some pointers before heading to their first big room wine tasting.


Here goes…

1. Bring friends! Bring lots of friends to enjoy your evening with.  Hug them and love them and take selfies with them all night long! Sing songs and talk about the merits of French oak. Just don’t do it right in front of the fucking table after you get your little glass of wine.

2. Chat with the wine makers, the agents and the winery staff. Ask them questions. Compliment their wine. Don’t try to ‘out-wine’ them. They work in the wine industry. You are not a secret agent. Absorb the knowledge and apply to go on Jeopardy if you think you are brilliant.

3. Bring your ID. I am 40 in a week and got ID’d at the damn thing.

4. Graciously accept the program for the evening. Browse through it a little. Note the map and the list of wineries, then leave it at the water table. After about 4 wines you are a terrible judge of wine. You can use your ability to remember what you liked as a gauge on whether you were sober enough to trust your own opinion.

5. This is just my personal rule but feel free to steal my thunder. Don’t line up. Really. At this particular festival you get two and a half hours to try to browse everything. You can’t do that if you stand behind chatty-cathies at every table. If you can’t wiggle your way to the front, or skootch in to the side of the table, just find another happy pourer!

6. Don’t take any crap. If someone behind a table is an ass just move on. I like to dump out their wine right in front of them first, as well. There was an agent that worked for a few local wineries for the last several years. She was a hag and was always condescending. I would often make eye contact then just walk away. Made me feel better! They may have more wine knowledge but they shouldn’t treat you poorly. Refrain from spitting on them though. I think you can be arrested for that.

7. Try what you like. Don’t be afraid to ask the price. Look for new wines and products. Enjoy yourself. Get your $60 worth and be sure to purchase what you loved. That’s why the wineries show up at these things after all!



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