merry Christmas cranberry sauce for drunks…

All you need is your bag of cranberries, half a cup of port,a Clementine and some sugar. Dump in your berries, port and then zest and squeeze the Clementine. Any orange well do by the way. Sprinkle with sugar and proceed as usual. Bring it to a boil and simmer. It’s the best cranberry sauce. And it’s great on ice cream too!

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how to dump a good bottle of wine down the toilet…

Let me share the story of my Pinterest fail.

I have wanted to make wine jelly for two years but busyness and laziness got in the way. Yesterday, in a flurry of hominess, I decided to get it done.

I used a Sav Blanc I had in the fridge. I added the sugar, brought it to a boil and added the pectin. 

Boil away….

And then, after a minute, you are supposed to skim off the foam. First clue that this was going South? No foam. But I kept plugging along.

I added fresh herbs from my garden and poured the wine mix into the jars. Also, the herbs floated right to the top which looked lame and nothing like Martha’s jelly. That bitch.

So then you wait for that magic ‘pop’ that says you won’t kill people with botulism or zika virus or whatever and I was so excited because I got all four pops!

But this morning? This ain’t jelly. It’s…

white wine sweet soup?

sugared wine syrup with wilted herbs?

a pinterest fail.

Bye, bye white wine. I should have just drank the shit.

That’s what my lovely friend would have opened up and seen. My wilted, soupy love for her…. expressed with kindness and this precious hand made gift. 

The good news is, I am relentless in my pursuit of success. So screw you, canning fairy. I am going to nail this one way or the other. 

It’s 8:20am on Sunday. Where do Iget a cheap bottle of wine at this hour? I’m thinking the Catholic Church but that seems like a risky plan. I’ll keep you posted.

edit: Ijust realized it’s Saturday morning! haha. Three cheers for SUmmer holidays! Maybe I’ll go to the farmer’s market and drown my sorrows in little wine samples.

super easy red wine pizza sauce

This is the second easiest wine recipe you will ever make!

What’s the first? A glass of wine! Really, this is only one step above pouring wine in a glass and you will look SUPER CLASSY if you serve this to your friends.

Honestly, if you add wine to the title of any recipe you immediately become more classy than you were.  I think it works for school field trips too but that’s just me.

Ok, let’s make pizza. The only thing I find less appealing than manual can openers is recipe posts with 50 million high res, super big pictures. So, you get two pictures this time! You are welcome.

Really this is just pizza sauce with red wine in it but don’t tell your friends. I add red wine so it doesn’t taste too ‘tomatoey’. These are your very classy ingredients…

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You need…

  • A can of tomato sauce
  • Olive oil
  • Italian spice
  • Garlic (preminced, fresh, dried… you pick)
  • A little salt if you like
  • Any red wine that is not over a one for sweetness)
  • Optional- if you like it thicker add some tomato paste too

As you can see, if you have a Costco membership, you are a gourmet chef! The brand is of no consequence though, so party on no matter where you shop.

Here are the fancy instructions…

Open the tomato paste and pour it into something classy. Add a splash of olive oil, a shwack of garlic and Italian spice. Taste it. Ok, that’s your base. Add a few tablespoons of your red wine and stir. Wait five minutes. Listen to some classical music or what have you. Give it a taste. Like it? No? Too tomatoey? That’s ok. Add another two Tablespoons of wine and a sprinkle of salt. Wait four minutes. Does it look like this?

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Doesn’t that look good?? It tastes fantastic!

Just keep dabbling with it until it is great. It will be different every time depending on your wine. So, get your ‘Bill Nye’ on (that only makes sense for Canadians) and experiment with it!

Let me know how it works out!

 

fort berens riesling – brightest and best

Fort Berens Estate Winery is situated in Lilloett, BC. Super nice people, great tasting room and really nice wine!!

Last night we cracked into the Riesling to have with our teriyaki chicken and sautéed veggies. It was the perfect match. Here is some food porn for you…

Teriyaki Chicken with veggies. To serve with our Riesling!

Teriyaki Chicken with veggies. To serve with our Riesling!

First of all, the wine wakes you up the second you breathe it in. I can’t remember the last time I experienced a wine so bright when you smelled it! It is awesome!

As for the taste of it… equally bright. Very citrusy with a nice body and light finish. Perfect for dinner. And if you just wanted a sipping wine, a cool drink in a restaurant with the ladies, this would be perfect for that, too!

All in all, this wine is a win! It’s a beautiful spot. You can find out more about visiting them at http://www.fortberens.ca. Enjoy!

how to screw up thanksgiving wine

Happy Thanksgiving to all the Canadians out there!

We had two turkey dinners this weekend. Woot, woot!

I made dinner on Saturday night with an SPCA certified turkey (goodbye $43) so I was able to indulge in the whole thing. Usually I get potatoes and coleslaw. Most vegetarians aren’t real big turkey eaters after all!! But I will eat SPCA certified meat so I was excited to get the full experience this year. From the bird to the wine. But I totally screwed it up.

I will need to make an admission here that pegs me as a cheapo. I had actually bought two bottles of wine to have with dinner but didn’t open them. I used left over wine at dinner. I know.. shame, shame, shame…. it sucked.

We had a little mini wine night on Friday and none of the wine was great (reviews will follow) so I had about half a bottle of each wine sitting here still on Saturday afternoon. So it seemed silly to crack two more. But so-so wine can not be saved by a $43 turkey. And that bird worked its ass off to save that wine.

The only thing our left over pinot gris, cab sav and shiraz brought to the table was a very awesome cranberry sauce (I’ll post that recipe later as well) and a buzz.

Next time I’ll be researching and picking a wine specifically to go with turkey and roasted vegetables.

Now, there weren’t any complaints about the wine. And it was well received with the brie-stuffed mushrooms…. but even I knew that our vino missed the mark.

Next year… I vow to do better!

awful-red-wine salad dressing

image

I had to come up with a way to use less than drinkable wine. Here is my easy recipe!

1/4 cup red wine

1/4 cup olive oil

1tbsp lime juice

1tsp garlic minced

1Tbsp brown sugar

chives, basil – cut finely and added to taste

salt and pepper

 

That’s it – Serve it on greens with thinly sliced onions, slivered almonds and sliced strawberries. You are a chef!

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